Parenting in COVID-19

As we’ve finished the fourth week of the “Stay At Home” order, with schools and businesses closed, I wanted to reflect on the experience in parenting under COVID-19. I’m putting this here not because what we’re doing particularly stands out from anyone else’s experience, but that I can capture some of the fresh memories before they start to fade.

Home and Routines

In the last four weeks, we have not all driven to any places. In adhering to the “Stay Home” order, Bethany and I have tried not to venture out more than once per week, and only to go to the store to get groceries, cosmetics, and household goods. After filling up the gas tank a month ago, we’ve not even a quarter-tank into it. The girls have been in the car with me to do food pickups (as the schools are offering snacks and some meals for kids), but aside from that have not left the house.

With spending so much time at home, we’re lucky to be in the midst of spring and that we’re able to spend more time outdoors. The girls are at an age where they can play in the backyards by themselves and take advantage of that. We do venture out to the front yard at least once a day, where they ride bikes and roller-blade in the cul-du-sec. When things calm down at work, Bethany and I take turns being out there with our laptops so that we can try to both supervise and still get some work done.

The first week while home full-time, we tried to establish a more rigorous schedule, but had the luxury of Bethany on spring break and able to be present to the kids each day. As Bethany returned to work the following week, we had to let go over the rigors of the schedule and allow it to flow into a routine. That’s changed again now that Clara has started school again.

Our typical day starts with breakfast, now followed by school/remote learning, then they spend the morning either playing inside, watching a show, or playing outside in the backyard. During lunchtime, we may be able to sneak out front and get some more play, followed by afternoon “quiet time”, which consists of spending 1-2 hours in our rooms with our tablets. At that point, one of us can take a break from work and be a little more active in their play before we start making dinner.

Education and Enrichment

Clara Remote Learning

As for school, we’ve familiarized ourselves and expectations with remote learning. With an elementary-aged child, I would argue that they’ve had the most severe disruption in their education, as they probably benefit the most from in-person instruction and interaction with their peers. Our school district has taken an approach that I most appreciate: we’re going to give you some guidance and structure for each day and week, allow for some check-in and interaction with the teacher and class, but for the most part you’re on your own. Grade-wise, the school work is considered optional, leaving it up to each family to do what they can.

I think there’s a tacet concession that we’re trying to avoid educational regression. We’re lucky that Clara was a little ahead in her subjects, but I really do feel for the kids who needed more intervention, especially as their parents probably may not have the luxury of time to provide that extra support. It does make me wonder whether there’s going to be a lasting impact, or if this too will just a blip in their educational career.

We’ve also become accustomed to virtual extra-curricular activities, such as dance class. Again, we’re at a difficult age because our kids are aware enough to realize the change, but are not old enough to appreciate or understand why we’re in this situation. The result is that getting them to start the activity can be like pulling teeth, but once they start they feel a sense of normalcy and even enjoy the experience.

Explaining the Virus

With our kids being 6 and 4, we’ve been very cognizant about how we explain the situation and the information being exposed to them. Rather than watching the news, we end up reading it through websites and hearing it on podcasts, so I think the girls are insulated from overhearing about it too much. I’m sure that they’ve probably heard the terms “corona-virus” and “COVID-19” without knowing what they mean. That said, they obviously are aware that things have drastically changed, with all of us being home.

Rather than talk about COVID-19, many of our conversations have been couched with the “germs” term: We’re staying home because there are some germs out there that can make people really sick, especially if they’re older or are dealing with something else. They’re asking us to stay home so we don’t spread more germs out there. To the extent, I think especially Clara knows at a high level, why her life has been so disrupted, that things are generally closed and that we’re staying home, but hopefully hasn’t heard about all of the hospitalization and death that has been surrounding this pandemic. That said, we’ve been really intentional about not raising their anxiety level.

Maintaining Sanity

The biggest challenge has definitely been trying to find a balance between our responsibilities as parents, the reality of both of us now working from home full time, coupled with the fact that our kids are also home all day. As a working parent, I have valued being able to segment my time, pouring into work while the kids are at school and daycare, then working to be more present to my kids when they’re home. However having the kids home has blurred these lines, requiring context-switching in a matter of minutes, challenging our ability to be effective at anything. Ultimately it has come down to stringing together good days, and accepting that rough days happen and that tomorrow is an opportunity to start fresh. Our biggest blessing is that the weather has been mostly nice and the girls have been able to be outside, you can definitely feel the tension when the weather is cold and we start to get cabin fever.

In the end, it’s still important to put all of this into context: we’re currently healthy, in a safe home, all together. We’ve learned to live through some of the chaos and understand that a home that has everyone present 24×7 is not going to look immaculate, we try to reset at the end of the day and start over again.

COVID-19 – Week 2 & 3

We’re venturing into our third week of social distancing/quarantining in our homes. Luckily we still have our health and no one has seriously hurt each other.

This is really strange in many ways. We’ve moved away a little bit from the more organized schedule, replaced by our own natural rhythm of each day. We’ve learned to accept that the kids will be little tornados throughout the day, requiring a resetting of the house each evening – but after accepting that fact, it’s been easier to accept the chaos. It’s also helped that the weather has been nice and the girls have been able to spend more time outside. We play in the back yard quite a bit, as well as ride bikes around our cul-de-sac. We’ve been lucky that the weather has been mostly nice and that we’re able to be outside, although when we get a cold day, those days feel especially long.

Bethany is now has started working from home this week, but with Clara technically on spring break, we’ve relaxed some of the structured learning. She’s scheduled to resume school online next week, and we’ll be facilitating that. Bethany and I are working to trade off the time we focus on work with being present to the family, and it’s seemed to work well so far. I have to confess that the screentime restrictions have gone out the window, but you do what you can go get by.

We’ve done a good job of obeying the official “stay home” order, only venturing out for a dog walk or bike ride, as well as a weekly trip to the store to stock back up. We’ve been lucky enough to find all the items we’re looking for at the store, and the panic-buying has seemed to have calmed down a bit (although there was no toilet paper when I went to Sams Club today).

I’m not quite sure what to make at just how much our kids are picking up of the situation. We’ve avoided using terms like “COVID-19” and “Coronavirus” when the kids are around, and instead of leaned heavily on the term “germs”, pressing the importance of washing hands and maintaining distance. We’ve been lucky that the kids haven’t balked at their favorite places being closed, and have mostly been able to entertain themselves with things around the house. They’ve had some interactions with daycare and dance classes online, and that has surprisingly brought some level of normalcy as well.

Overall weeks 2 & 3 have been filled with the reluctant acceptance of the situation, gratitude for what we have, and nervousness about what may come. Here’s to staying inside and flattening the curve.