One of the things we’re doing here in Dallas is discerning the next chairperson for NCSC. Right now I am spending time contemplating what gifts/attributes are needed for the chairperson, and whether I myself and called to serve in this role – of if I feel someone else exhibits those qualities.
These are just some random notes that I am writing down, for the sole benefit of getting something "on paper". Some of this may just be a braindump, and in the end I’m not sure just how understandable this will be.
I find myself going back and forth as to whether I really feel called to this position. I look at where NCSC is at, I look at many opportunities and struggles and I see how I could plug in effortlessly into this position and serve the NCSC well. I think I have a lot of really good ideas, some really good vision as to how the NCSC is run, and do get excited about the opportunity to serve Catholic students on a national level.
At the same time, my overbearing schedule rings in my head like a loud church bell. I step back and look at the fact that I’m working 40+ hours per week, going to school, playing in a band and now starting a new business – do I really have time available for this? Is it fair for me to take on something this big – when I think about my relationship with Bethany? Am I setting myself up for failure by taking on too much.
I know I do a lot of NCSC work right now, and that it simply might just be interchanged with more NCSC work, but is this what I’m really called to do? Can I be effective at this? Right now I know there are things that I could improve upon in my current position in NCSC, is it right for me to move on to something else? Would I be happy doing this kind of work? There’s a part of me that really wonders if it would be best for me to be off in my own corner, simply do web site and tech development.
Last year I discerned for the National Chair position, and things didn’t go quite as well as I would have hoped. I am extremely supportive of the result of last year’s discernment, but where I struggled was the part where people reflected on my gifts and what I brought to the group. I was shocked that the gifts that people didn’t name the gifts I wanted them to name. I thought as myself as a visionary, organized and detailed person, and it felt like people couldn’t see past my technological abilities. Part of me doesn’t really want to put myself out there because the same thing will likely happen again. It’s not that I don’t mind people thinking I’m a tech geek, but it frustrates me when it seems like people don’t see past that.
I would appreciate any advice and prayers over the next few days.