Santa comes early for divorced families

Last week, Band-Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” came back into my life through this Reel/clip of Phil Collins recording the drum tracks for this song. Despite having an ear for drums in songs, I never really appreciated the intricacy of Collins’ part. I can relate to the faces he makes while recording the track.

This is a terrible Christmas song by any means. As much as I admire their desire to give their time and talent to a noble cause, the lyrics are problematic. “Well tonight thank God it’s them/ instead of you” doesn’t ring of holiday cheer. However, I’ve been reflecting on this song, my feelings about this time of year, and its resonance with me.

With my divorce, this will be the second time I won’t be able to be with my daughters on Christmas week. When I experienced this for the first time two years ago, I ended up spending most of the day in bed with crippling sadness. During the previous year, my wife was unraveling our marriage through infidelity, which was at its peak in December. While I didn’t know what exactly was happening at the time, I was desperately trying to save our marriage and shield our kids from home distress. Christmas in the 2020’s have been marred with challenge.

I have yet to find an effective way to counter this struggle, but I have learned that I must start by allowing myself to “feel my feelings” and then find more effective ways to channel them. Lately, it’s been biking on the Peloton.

Two years ago, when I was going through this for the first time, their mom and I agreed that Santa would visit her house and contribute to the “Santa” gifts that would be opened at her home on Christmas morning. Feeling left out, I ended up buying a few extra “from dad” gifts that awaited them upon their return on the second week of Christmas break. When they spent Christmas at my house last year, I handled all of the “Santa” gifts.

This year, I asked the girls how they would like to handle Santa’s gifts, offering the possibility of celebrating the weekend before if they’re like that.

“I think Santa makes some trips before Christmas for families with divorced parents.” Santa visited our house on Friday night, delivering some early Christmas magic.

This morning, I had to hug the girls goodbye for the week. While I’m still working through the season’s sadness, I’m grateful for the grace given to our little family and the ability to share in these experiences, regardless of the day. When I shared this picture with my family, my brother-in-law beautifully responded, “Santa’s got a big heart and always thinks of everyone’s situation.”

I want to think that time will make this easier, but I have my doubts. In the meantime, I appreciate everyone in my life who meet me where I’m at and help me through this season.