So as I said yesterday at the Rockies game Sam and I got to talking about relationships and more specifically why I am not in one. A while ago Sam offered this premise that the reason I am not dating anyone is because my standards are so high that I basically eliminate any girls that are interested in me. I really resent that statement though – just because there are a lot of qualities that I look for in a girl doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to take the chance and get to know someone better and see where things go from there. Hence the definition of dating… Or one would think.
Sam subscribes to this notion that the way I convey my expectations when I meet girls is in such a way that in her words "girls take themselves out of the running". I really struggle with this because while I do have a list stashed away of qualities that are important to me, one of my qualities I value most is my friendliness and desire to be accepting. I think if a girl has endearing qualities that I’d just like the chance to get to know her better, build a friendship and see where things go from there.
If I was going to breakdown my reasons for being single it would there would be two primary reasons:
1) I don’t have many opportunities to meet girls in a constructive setting. At work I am the youngest person by far, and I work so much that when I got to class I’m not on campus before or after for long – I bolt back to work. I’m not involved at my local church anymore (see previous posts) which has closed down a very big social avenue, and the activities I am involved with at church (Pastoral Council, Choir, teaching) aren’t very big avenues to connect with girls either. So yes, my “meeting” opportunities are limited.
Sam asked me “Why don’t you go to bars to meet girls?” When I told her I never would do that she goes “Well there you go – your high expectations again.” But I resent that! In my mind if you go to a bar by yourself (or even with another guy friend) to the sole intention of meeting girls it never goes well. I’m not saying that you can’t meet someone in a bar – some of my friends have great relationships that happened from bar-room meetings – but when I go out I go out with the intention of just going to have a good time, chill with your friends, have a few Pops and play pool or dance. If you meet someone along the way – great! But I think at that point it’s just being in the right situation at the right time.
2) Call me a romantic novelist, but I have this notion that a healthy relationship is built upon the foundation of a strong friendship. And I guess that’s one value I struggle with compromising. I’m not someone who can just casually date for the fun of if – it really should be going somewhere. Now I’m not saying that we need to go out and pick out drapes together and come up with our future kids’ names – but at the same time I’d like to know that there is some kind of potential there for a long term thing. And then there’s my dream that my lover will be my best friend, so I go and build friendships with these amazing girls and most of the time those girls can’t see our relationship as anything beyond a friendship. Argh… So maybe in that regard my standard is a bit lofty, but I don’t think it’s unreachable by any means.
At the end of the day is it too much to ask for to find someone who has a good head on their shoulders and makes smart decisions in their life? That’s all I’m really asking for. If that makes my standards “too high” then I don’t know what to think…
Sidenote: While I was writing this posting my friend Matt IM’s me:
HzRdS: dude, Coldplay DMB’d us
HzRdS: they’re skipping us this year
What the heck?!? This is the second time this summer we’ve been jipp’d by a really good band. Denver is the freaking largest city in a 600 mile radius – why is it that we are now consistently being stiffed on these great bands? Matt and I got to go see ColdPlay over at Red Rocks a few years ago, and it’s definitely on my “Top 5 Best Concerts” list… Those guys were simply amazing live and I was looking forward to seeing them… looks like it won’t be any time soon. DAMMIT! I’m already flying out east to go see DMB (for the second year in a row as they screwed us last year too). THIS SUCKS!!!