After months of waiting, my girls and I are on our long-awaited trip to meet up with family back East. This post covers our first leg of the trip: Binghamton, NY.
We booked the flight with Frontier Airlines, which is always more than you’ve bargained for. In this case, our departing flight got rebooked twice and had us leaving Denver before 7am. This resulted in our original airport shuttle being canceled, and the other airport shuttle moved us up another hour. The girls and I had to be out of the house by 2:30am. We luckily got on the shuttle and got to the airport in time. We were grateful for the extra hour, as the DIA security line wrapped all the way to baggage claim. We made it to our flight, although bleary-eyed.
We got into Binghamton and got picked up by Tony, my brother-in-law, and spent the rest of Wednesday getting settled and acclimated to our new home for the next few days.
For me, this was also a working trip, so I spent the day working remotely during Phase 1, while my daughters went out and enjoyed parts of Binghamton. Everyone spent Thursday at Animal Adventure Park and seeing different animals. Clara and her cousin, Sonia, got to hold some parrots. The girls also witnessed a first-hand lesson on turtle procreation.
On Friday we took in a little Americana by watching a Double-A baseball between the Binghamton Rumble Ponies and the Somerset Patriots. During the 7th inning, a massive rainstorm moved in and despite only lasting about twenty minutes, flooded out the field. The teams concluded the conditions were too dangerous to keep playing and called the game. However, they proceeded with an amazing fireworks show that actually made up for a canceled July 4th display from the prior week.
Our last full day in Binghamton was spent at Beer Tree Brew, where they had a cute craft fair and some great food. There’s a slow stream near the brewery where the girls waded and swam – the perfect way to cool off during a hot and humid day!
The rest of our time in Binghamton was filled with quality cousin time, play, and enjoying our family’s home and hospitality. Sunday was spent packing and heading out for Phase 2: the Poconos Mountains.
Back in 2020, I rode 39 miles for my 39th birthday. For this year, I marked the occasion by adding three miles. While I rode to Greeley in 2020, I opted to stay in town and do some laps around Windsor using the Poudre River Trail and the other great bike trails here in Windsor. Many great bike trails fell victim to our rainy June, but I was certain of the Windsor trail conditions. I also wanted to invite friends to join me, and figured people might be willing to join me for part of the ride if they didn’t have to worry about getting there and back.
I rode the “Windsor Loop” three times today, which spans about 13 miles each time. I also rode an additional 3 miles to meet up with my friends and back home. In the end, I rode 43.1 miles.
I departed my house at 7am and headed up to meet my friends Brett, Joanna, and Julia. With the highs in the upper 80’s, we were anxious to start early and beat the heat as much as possible. We headed out and started our first loop around Windsor, then stopped at Windsor Lake Coffee, where we met up with Shannon and her son. We did our second loop around Windsor, ending at my house to change my GoPro battery and re-apply sunscreen. Our final lap consisted of riding the Windsor Loop in the opposite direction, with me doing the last 1.5 miles on my own.
I got to capture a few fun pictures of the day:
Finally, I played with my GoPro’s Timelapse mode and constructed a video of part of the ride. There were certain points when the battery died, as well as times when the camera mount slouched toward the road, but it does a great job showcasing some of the great trails in my community!
Overall, I’m very blessed to be able to ride as far as I did, along with such amazing company along the journey. Here’s to 42!
Last month I was lucky enough to both play and see some amazing bands at the Fort Collins Music Experiment – FoCoMX. Due to my single dad duties, I was only able to go on Friday – the night that I played. Playing obviously entails packing my gear before and after, it really limited my ability to get out and see some other bands that night. Unfortunately, I was only able to photograph three acts.
One of those acts was The Pamlico Sound, a funk band that I subbed in for a short time before my daughters were born. In following that band, it’s been inspiring to watch them resolve their issues and transform themselves into a staple in the Northern Colorado funk scene.
They performed in front of New Belgium Brewing Company, an awesome outdoor space! The shade and shadows made for a bit of a challenge, but I hope I captured the gist of the energy that was there.
One year ago, I sat down to type out my Closing Chapters post, my way of announcing the finalization of my divorce to my world. It seems only fitting to look back on this last year and take stock of the growth and challenges from it.
Over the last year, I’ve contemplated a scene from the pilot of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, “Emissary”. The clip is below and worth watching, but I’ll give you the gist of it and try not to be too Trekie:
Commander Sisko is trying to explain linear time to these wormhole aliens that exist outside of time. Throughout his dialog, the aliens manifest people and moments of Sisko’s life. However, there’s one moment – his wife’s death during a ship attack – that is too painful a memory for Sisko, yet he keeps being brought back there by the aliens.
Their response: “… but you exist here.”
At that moment, Sisko realizes that he never really left the pain of that traumatic moment, and let it dictate his life from that point. He lived, existed, there.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – “Emissary”
While my ex-wife is very much alive, this scene resonates with me in the way I grieved the end of my marriage, and I often asked myself contemplating questions like, “Do I exist here? Do I keep returning to this moment? How does this trauma define who I am today?“
Watching movies like Across The Spiderverse and The Flash has left me wondering how we often use trauma and tragedy in our own lives to shape the future we’re trying to build. I’ve done a lot of contemplating, praying, and feeling over the last year, channeling my emotions towards healthy growth and development of wisdom as I’m writing my next chapter.
Today also marks the day that I finally finished the most painful book I ever read. It was over a year ago when my therapist recommended I read The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel to better understand the choices my wife made, leading her to abandon our marriage. I purchased the audiobook and figured it would be a relatively quick read*, like the other books on marriage and divorce I read throughout this process. I quickly found out that this book was the equivalent of eating raw Brussels sprouts: it would ultimately be good for my health, but it was a matter of dealing with the very bitter taste.
* Yes, I consider listening to an audiobook “reading” and consider “reading” and “listening” synonymous terms.
Every chapter forced me painfully reenact the events of my divorce. I found it harrowing, filling me with painful emotions that ultimately soured upon every read. I quickly learned that I couldn’t bear to read it while my kids were with me, and when they were gone, I somehow found ways to avoid reading this book.
However, after getting through the initial flood of emotions, this book ultimately provided insight and helped me reflect on the choices that my wife made at the end of our marriage, and the impacts they had on me, both then and now. I also thought a lot about the ways I contributed to setting the conditions to allow this trauma to take place. By no means did I agree with everything Perel wrote, but I found this book a painfully necessary read and would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone else that has experienced infidelity in their relationship.
In the same vein, I would like to offer an empathic ear and supportive shoulder for anyone else who had this happen in their own relationship. This feels like an embarrassing subject to discuss with your friends, but I’ve found so much strength through the establishment of my support system. I’m here, in large part, through the kindness of my family, old friends, and new friends that have grown through this experience. I’m so grateful and hope that I can continue to pay it forward.
I don’t want to leave you with the impression that this last year has been sheer misery – it’s been far from it. Over this year, I’ve learned so much about myself, my strength and abilities, as well as my deficiencies – learning when and how to ask for help. As someone who is pridefully self-sufficient, humility and asking for help has been the toughest and most rewarding lesson that I’ve learned.
I’ve also learned more about the strength of my daughters, which inspires me to no end. I previously detailed some of my struggles as a single father and prevent me from being physically present at all times. Christmas this year, without them there, was a particularly harrowing experience, and I’ll admit that I didn’t even get out of bed until the day was half over. I’ve also been awed by the ways we form new memories with my family of three, unlocking laughter and joy out of normalcy and everyday tasks. My girls are such a blessing in my life.
I’ve also been lucky to share love and affection with Shannon, through our relationship which continues to flourish and blossom. Also victimized by infidelity in her marriage, Shannon and I connected through the darkness of shared grief and have cultivated that into something that has been very life-giving for both of us. I’m lucky to share this journey with her and am blessed to have her in my life.
Looking back, one year later, the word would have to be “building”. I’m incredibly blessed and have experienced amazing growth as a father, in my work life, in my passions, and in my relationships. I’ve had my share of tough days and setbacks, but ultimately am so very lucky to lead the life I’ve been given and look forward to existing in new spaces.
Happy Father’s Day, to all of my fellow dads! Today I’m reflecting on my 10th time being honored on this day and my second as a single dad after an unexpected divorce.
In the last 18 months of being a single dad, I’ve had to grapple with the fact that I’m now prevented from keeping my original promise when they were born: I would always be there for them. I’ve had to adjust that promise from always being physically present to being emotionally and spiritually present in their lives. Often I feel guilty about the situation they’re in, and the ways they’ve been asked to adjust, in some ways, grow up more quickly than I would have hoped. I never asked to be a co-parent, and they never asked to split time between homes, yet here we all are.
Shannon and I were talking about Father’s Day and how ironic that many celebrate Mother’s and Father’s Days by the spouse giving the honoree the day off, away from parental duties. However, now being a single father, the parental duties are what made it an incredible Father’s Day. While it was still jarring to wake up without my daughters, with no Father’s Day snuggles, having them over in the morning and cooking breakfast together was a blessing. It touched my heart to get handwritten cards from them with beautiful messages. I loved playing Just Dance with them and having them make fun of my dancing abilities. I loved helping Clara make the Banana Ice Cream she had been wanting to make for weeks, then making them lunch. In the morning that we spent together, I had no downtime – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As a single parent, I’ve really come to appreciate the love conveyed through the mundane tasks of each day, and how everyday activities become opportunities for learning and expressing love. I’ve learned that my love language is doing nice things for others, and I relish every opportunity to express it for my daughters.
It wasn’t easy when 12:30 rolled around and I realized that my allotted “Father’s Day” time was over, and now they return to the normal co-parenting schedule: my weekend without them. These long stretches, when I’m without my kids, try my soul. I’ve managed to fill the void with a lot of healthy outlets, relationships, and activities, but it still feels like a big part of my heart is missing until my girls are back home.
It goes without saying that I realize I’ll always be their Father, and my girls know that I’m only a video call away – but there is no replacing the joy I experience when I get to share the same space with them. I’m grateful that I got to spend Father’s Day parenting my daughters and relish every chance I get.
